The Saga Saga - A Tale from Two Perspectives

I have just returned from a most wonderful weekend away in Yorkshire. The snow was crisp, the sky was blue and the fire was well stoked. There was one small hiccup which will be detailed below from both perspectives. You can choose how you prefer the tale to be told...

Saga’s Saga

So. Mummy had taken me away to this amazing place and it was all white and cold and stuff. Mummy said it was “snowy” There was a big garden and the snow came up to my tummy which kinda tickled but was really cold. Anyways I woke up early (it was still dark) and I really needed a wee so I got mummy up and we went downstairs so she could let me out. It was amazing. The garden place was all crisp and cold and I had a good romp. Suddenly I noticed a small wall, so I stood up to look over and the snow was all pristine on that side. Well, I had to go and investigate, so I hopped over for a sniff and and a bit of a play. I checked behind me and mummy was following so she must have thought this was OK and off I went. 

I went up the road and then I could hear water. I love water so I decided to head off and look for it. I could hear mummy’s voice calling me so I knew she wasn’t far away and that meant I could go on. It was really cool. There was woods to run through (and I scrambled under trees) and water and ice and these little stone bridges and everything. I went under trees, across the river, through fields. Then suddenly I stopped hearing mummy. Well, that was a bit worrying cos I thought she had got lost. I turned around and scooted back. I was just coming back up the road when I saw her. I wasn’t quite ready to stop exploring but I was glad she was around so I led her up the road. And then I heard this scratching and there was a funny noise so I ran into this garden. I could hear it coming from the shed. I went to look but I couldn’t see anything.  I looked at mummy and I thought she looked a bit cold and to be honest I was a bit chilly so I got her to run around the garden after me for a while. Then I went to look at the shed again. And that’s when mummy grabbed me. She was a bit rough, you know. But she said we were going home. That was OK with me cos it was a bit cold now. She walked me back to our home. And then we had a cuddle. But I had to wear my beeping harness after that all the time which was a bit much, if you asked me. I showed mummy’s friends the wall later cos they might want to go for a run too. But no one did.

The rest of the weekend was fun and I did get to go in the river. But this time I had my coat on so I only had a paddle.

Lillekat’s Lament

As per usual Saga woke me up before 6 to go to the loo. I had taken her tracker harness off so she’d be more comfortable and we had been out a couple of times that evening with no problem. She went out, did her business and then suddenly was up, over the wall and off. Not knowing how else to get out, I clambered over the wall after her, hoping beyond all hope that this garden was closed. It wasn’t. So clad in a red vest and pink paisley harem pyjamas, I chased after her. At a fork in the road it started to snow. I was getting quite cold at this point and I started to panic. Every so often Saga would turn round, see me calling her and run off. I went under trees, crossed a river and I was really worried now as I didn’t know where I was. All I knew was I had definitely crossed several gardens as security lighting had gone off.  I was freezing and wet from the snow and I couldn’t see her any more. 

I started to cry then decided to go back, get dressed and return. After a few false starts (under the wrong trees) I made it back to the road and then I realised I was going to have to go back over the wall to get back in. I went in through next doors garden and scrabbled over the wall to get into the house. Then I really panicked. I was scared, I was cold and I had lost my baby. I texted my family and my sister (luckily) was awake and calmed me down and helped me get my act together. I got dressed and went out the front door this time so I could get back in. I had left a message for my chums so they knew where I was. I walked quickly back to the fork in the road calling Saga. I felt quite hopeless then... there she was! She, of course, nipped past me and legged it off again but turned into a large garden. It had a gate. And fence. I shut the gate and breathed. I had her contained. Now to catch her. After a few loops of the garden she became fascinated by a chicken coop and I was able to catch her. Relief flooded through me. I held her tight and put her on her lead. We walked home. I dread to think what the garden owner thought that morning

I got to the front door and tried it. It was locked. Close to tears again I knocked at the door. Nothing. I thought “back over the wall then”

As I walked round to the garden I saw that next door was “also” called Rose Cottage and then I realised I had in fact been at the wrong door. Once inside Saga had her tracker put on and was not allowed to go anywhere without it. I made a cup of tea, texted the family and the chums and curled up on the sofa to have a good shake a cuddle and a little sob. Suddenly exhausted we went back to bed and later I regaled the gang with my tale of woe. By then I was able to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. My lovely chums gave me a hug and made me some tea. But I do wonder how if anyone saw me in my pjs legging it across their garden in the snow. And if so, what did they think?

A damsel in distress

And it came to pass that the marital home was sold and your very favourite intermittent blogger was suddenly without portfolio. The scientist had already proffered his home to Saga and me, but I wasn't quite ready for him to discover that I did not in fact fart rainbows and poop strawberries. A few panicky days followed where I cajoled begged and pleased with landlords and tenants alike, but the beast was deemed canis non grata. And eventually I found a room in a shared home on Airbnb.

Are you aware of Airbnb? It’s an online community of people who have spare rooms that they don’t mind weird strangers kipping in. This was in a less salubrious part of town than I was used to, but it had great reviews, plenty of other people and most importantly it welcomed dogs.

I duly turned up and whilst a little odd, it was do-able for the 3 to 4 weeks until my new house would be ready. It was a smaller room than I had expected and not as clean as it could be, but Saga was made very welcome and the other guests seemed charming. The host was a "lively" drinker going through at least one large bottle of vodka a day - Something that perturbed me but I could always hide in my room. 

After an uneventful week, said host and most of the guests left for a week in Barcelona. I was left alone in the house with instructions on welcoming new guests (!)

I took the opportunity to clean the fridge (hint: cucumber is not a liquid), the bathroom and the kitchen. I explained to each new arrival that I wasn’t the host, but a guest just like them!

A middle of the night appearance by one the host's boyfriends, high as a kite and belligerent as only the extremely drunk and stupid can be, was a bit of a spoiler. There was a knock at the door. It was 3 am but I assumed a late guest was arriving. I opened the door to a young man, eyes glazed slurring at me. He pushed past me and tried to enter s guest room. I was fearless. I blocked his path and directed him to the kitchen. Where he shouted, swore, threatened and tried to grab me.

Me: You have to leave

Him: Wha’re you gonna do abou it you shtupid bitch?

Me: I’ll call the police

Him: No you won’ - Call ‘em then..

Redo from start

So I called the police and they were marvellous. Young man took himself off when he realised I was actually speaking with someone. And after he'd gone, I cried and cried and cried. I sent an ‘unhappy’ text to the host, who didn’t bother to reply. However vague messages were received via the other guests.

Whilst wondering around the house that night, I noticed that the back door didn’t shut properly and anyone could in fact walk in. I piled up furniture against it and sat shaking in the kitchen.

Cue a call the next day to the scientist, who never even said I told you so which I felt was admirable. That night Saga and I took a taxi ride over to his apartment, with all our stuff in tow and he gave me chocolate and a hug. 

The reason I bring up this whole miserable tale is because of how long it then took to get any kind of response out of Airbnb. 3 months of emails, phone calls, going over the details again and again, sending the police report, photographs etc. All they cared about was that the room I had wasn’t the room I had booked – Apparently being threatened in your home and not having any kind of lock on the door is AOK with them.

And then as I was finally getting somewhere and I was told they would refund my money the next day, they did instead take yet more money from me. And I was on that phone like billyo dropping in words like “steal” and “fraud” and "legal advice".

It took another 2 weeks to get that money back. But bless the adviser, he gave me a voucher for £80 off my “next Airbnb booking” because apparently he wanted me to have  good experience with them!

The scientist put us up (put up with us?) for 2 ½ weeks which was marvellous of him and I think I’ve still managed to persuade him that I do not in fact fart but instead extrude rose scented air gently from my body.