A change is nowhere near as good as a rest.

Maintaining stability in the world of bipolar requires stability elsewhere. When you're trying to keep emotionally level, it really helps if your life is also consistent. No surprises here please. Plans are preferred.

I have managed to maintain a little constancy at work by flying in the face of tradition and having my own desk with my drawers and my stuff. Even though we "hot desk" my colleagues know I'm "funny" about that. As Sheldon Cooper would say "You're in my spot". 

The last six months have been nothing but change and the cracks are starting to show. For those of you not up to date with the current affairs of Lillekat, here is a summary:

• The man and I have separated
• 2 of my thinking brain dogs have had to leave me
• My house is for sale and I have to move
• My company is no longer following the plans I like so many other bought into for the future but is currently "exploring options"
• And the other day I found out that my office is closing and I will have to move to another building. 

Too much change for one mentally challenged girl. 

And today has not gone well. I was late up. Saga picked up on my mood and promptly piddled on the floor. Then the buses were all full. Then of course Saga was scared by all the people. When I finally got home, put on the pc and nothing. Had to do a full reboot to get the bloody thing working. 

Each individual thing only small. And each change in that list probably manageable in its own.  But when you're tethered to normality by a string, and things just keep swiping away at that string, eventually one final swipe will leave you floating away into the nothingness. 

I'm stressed, scared and sad. What I want to do is to hide in my bed until it all Goes Away. And eat chocolate and chips. And cry. And get off the world for a while.

Luckily I have Saga still. My little bundle of comfort. Who needs me to get up and be a human being. And that then encourages other good behaviours. Exercise. Getting washed and dressed. Making proper food because I'm hungry and so is she. I am lucky enough to be "out" at work so I have said I shall work from home for a couple of days as I am "not myself" (why yes, that is a euphemism). 

Things are still not good but I am working through it one day at a time. I still feel lost but I can see you all so if you could just keep the light on I'm trying to get home.  

Change is inevitable. There's nothing that can be done about that. But how we approach change and how we deal with things that bother us can make all the difference. We can also look at how we are with our colleagues friends and family.  If you think someone's over reacting to what seems like a small thing, maybe their string has finally broken and they are alone and scared in the wilderness of their own mind. Reach out. Give them a hug or a manly pat on the shoulder. Let them know that you see them. Give them your hand to get them back on the ground. And leave the light on. 

I wanna tell you a story

I've got my best Max Bygraves cardi on and look! There's a rocking chair. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. 

Once upon a time a Jewish couple, escaping the Polish pogroms, ended up in Liverpool. There they took the name of the ship captain who had brought them to this new world and stayed in Liverpool until the birth of their first son. They then moved to Glasgow where a second son was born. They were never well off, living on the poverty line which inspired both boys in their future lives.

 

The younger, M, grew up to be a thorn in the side of every government as leader of the NUT and a member of the communist party and became notorious enough to be on America's Not Welcome list. 

Meanwhile J had gone to medical school and become a doctor. It is thanks to J that we understand the link between exercise and heart conditions. He remembered his own childhood and was one of the first to look at the social effects on health. His influence on public health has spread far and wide. 

He married another immigrant, a Russian who was also involved in the health service. After the war, they adopted a French Jewish orphaned refugee, and later 2 babies from Europe. 

To care for these 2 babies a Danish au pair was hired. Another immigrant into this motley crew.

The refugee grew up to be a talented engineer and linguist. He fell in love with the au pair and they married. He started his own business and became a successful business man, employing British people and paying British taxes. His wife became a teacher, educating young children for many years. 

The refugee and the au pair had 2 children, girls, the first to be born in the U.K. The elder followed her calling and became a nurse and has nursed London her whole adult life. The younger is less wholesome but spends her days trying to make sure people are paid appropriately and fairly. They also pay their taxes and are what is known as Members of Society.  They younger also has a tendency to blog dramatically but we can overlook that just this once. 

Without immigration it is unlikely J would have been able to go to university and our public health system would be the poorer; there wouldn't be people making Danish Christmas decorations all over London after being shown by their teacher; and perhaps most importantly yours truly would never have existed. 

Britain has always been a melting pot of cultures and we are stronger and better for it. It would be very sad for us to lose that and become insular and probably sickly. Immigration isn't the issue, complacency is.