So first a little scene setting. I recently found myself a without official employment, and I decided to finally try and write the book I swore was inside me. I have spent too long swanning about going “Oh if I had the time / money I’d write.” So I thought now would be the perfect time to put my money where my mouth is.
I set up my study to write, bought software and extra kit so I could hang out in coffee shops and write, maybe start smoking Gauloise and sporting a beret, even attending open mic nights to read “the latest chapter from my oeuvre”. I may have slightly romanticised the lifestyle. I admit nothing.
Pretty soon the study became a room of doom. I would find any task to do to avoid writing. I packed up clothes to send to charity, trip trapped up to the supermarket daily for food, attended multiple health appointments. Procrastination wasn’t just my friend, it was my bosom chum. The study was becoming a no go zone and I couldn’t have that. Time to look inwards and all that jazz and figure out why.
*Navel gazing break*
Well it turns out writing is hard. Really hard. If I manage 200 words I consider it a good day. And I don’t even enjoy it any more. It’s no fun. I have given it 4 weeks and what I think is this. I am not a good author. I like writing pithy humorous extracts about mental health, singledom and stuff that happens to me. And I love that a few people read and enjoy it. In the interest of transparency, I also enjoy writing fan fiction, and we will leave that sentence there. I do not enjoy trying to put a book together. My writing is succinct and often has bullet points, a fact that my university lecturers despaired of. And it is a hobby. One I found fun.
Here’s the killer blow. The minute I said to myself. “I am not a writer.” I felt a weight lift from me. My study was welcoming once more and I could smile and laugh.
The downside of this is I have to start seeking gainful employment, but even that is better than staring at a blank page. And anyone who has had a competency based interview lately will know what that means.
Note this little blog is over 300 words and wasn’t painful at all.
