Right now I seem to be riddled with ailments. On top of the usual bipolar, anxiety, bile salt malabsorption shenanigans, I can also detect tiredness, the shakes and migraines. It’s the migraines that are the most debilitating, though and even with medication, they knock me out proper. I don’t know the root cause here, could be stress, or tiredness…. Whatever.
The upshot of this is that I am even more rubbish at the going out lark than usual. I mean I’m often in bed by 8:30 which doesn’t align to a night on the town so I’m not great at the old drinking/after work. As a colleague used to say “Kat is fun and exciting all day. You can’t expect evenings as well.” I am very much a daylight belle!
Lockdown was a dream come true for me. I could take Saga out for walks in empty parks and spend my evenings curled up on the sofa with occasional Zoom sessions. Not only did I not have to interact, it was applauded. For once I was ahead of the game. But all too soon it was over. And people wanted to get together. In public. In the evening.
Now on a good day, it can take me a bit of a run up to get to a night out. However, even things I do want to attend have been going by the wayside lately due to the aforementioned exhaustion and headaches.
l probably have the reputation of being a bit of a flake with people not in the mental health / invisible illness club and if I’m honest more than likely with my fellow club members too. With really good friends, I could probably be honest and say “unlikely, but thanks for the invite.” But I feel so stupid and guilty, so I usually say yes and then inevitably cancel at the last minute. It doesn’t help that a lot of my ailments are stress related and going out out is very stress inducing.
My best friend is like me and will often send me messages like “Hey let’s cancel plans sometime soon.” It’s nice to know you’re not alone and you are loved, even if you are not a party animal. I saw a TikTok which had a man saying “I want to be invited, but I’m not going” and never has a teeny weeny video hit home so well.
It’s all we want. Just to be invited and for you not to get angry or upset if we don’t show.
Addendum: I’ve just declined autumn drinking session with chums. No reason given. I’ll let you know how it pans out.
