Things we already know (for a given value of ‘know’)
1. I have never been diagnosed with autism
2. I have never been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome
3. I do have a mood disorder – Bipolar
4. People who have an AQ (Autism-spectrum quotient) of 32 or more indicate “clinically significant levels of autistic traits”
5. I have an AQ of 42
What can this mean? Well for a start it means that I tend to show significant symptoms that you might associate with Autism Spectrum Disorder. But, that this is likely attributed to the bipolar disorder. And when under stress, these symptoms or traits become even more pronounced. For starters, it means that I am bothered by people as I don't always read them correctly and I don't have all the right filters that make me understand why one might not say something or why someone might become offended by what I say. Don't look at me funny. I don't get it, and it will have to be explained to me. Then I feel terrible. So I try to apologise. And usually make it worse.
I also really like routines and plans. And I can become seriously discombobulated by upset to my routine. Those of you who have attempted to spring surprises on me, know how well I take to change. If you want me to enjoy a spontaneous event, please give me a run up! A couple of days could do at a pinch. A week for preference!
Recently my routine has been severely rocked by the arrival of a teeny tiny jack russell named Saga. Neither house, nor crate, trained and teething, she could not be left in the house alone. Which meant that my morning routine of swimming with the Bear and then getting the bus to work had to be scrapped for a while. Similarly there could be no slump in from of the telly of an evening - Saga needs to be watched while we get her used to piddling outside and not eating the rugs...the result was a decidedly unhappy lillekat. Luckily the Bear is aware of my foibles and has arranged a couple of afternoons/evenings when it's just me and the beagles. This way I can get myself back on track. It will all work out. It just takes me a little longer is all.
Now you might look at this and think "just get over it" and I wish I could. I wish it really was that simple. I know I don't behave like the stereotypical autistic or Asperger's person but if it helps, remember that my condition is not a million miles away and we share a lot of common ground.
